Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog?

This is my first presidential race in the District of Columbia, which is infamous for its rabid political junkies, Hillrats, and media pundits foaming at the mouth to get a piece of the action. With their mere 3 electoral votes, however, these fanatics must feed their obsession by networking with (and/or fellating) people “in the know”, and talking about it incessantly on their blogs. Recognizing this insatiable appetite for inside information, Barak Obama chose to send his supporters a text message at 3 AM EST Saturday morning announcing his selection of Joe Biden as his running mate. I’m sure the Late Night Shots crowd prowling the streets of Georgetown was excited to receive this text among their slew of booty calls, though they probably had to squint and shut one eye to decipher the words in their state of drunkenness. At that’s assuming they didn’t already pass out on the street or in the home of a stranger, vomit drenching their popped-collar polos or Ann Taylor sundresses.

Me? I was fast asleep. I didn’t get the message until I turned on Headline news to watch their D-list Saturday morning anchor “accidentally” say “Obiden” – twice. Did I feel out of the loop? No, because I already knew Obama was going to choose Biden. I knew unofficially 2 ½ weeks ago, when my friend told me her boss (who is a Democratic Big Wig) told her that it was going to be Biden. I was incredulous at first, but the same friend confirmed the news to me last Tuesday. Of course she was emphatic about the information being kept a secret, and said, “You didn’t hear that from me ;)” I will still protect her identity by not naming her on this blog. But I assume if she told me, she told her boyfriend, and at least a few of her other friends. I in turn, though sworn to secrecy, told my assistant, my boyfriend, and a couple of my friends, who in turn told a few more people and so on and so forth. The point is that people in this town have big mouths and there’s no better chance of keeping a secret than there is of Larry Craig keeping his pants on in the Union Station mensroom.

So what about this Biden guy? I’m sure his Wikipedia page crashed several times over the weekend, and I also read this morning that his biography, which was published over a year ago, is now a best seller on Amazon. So I’m not going to repeat any details you’ve already read in those sources. I will tell you the following things about Joe Biden:

1) Joe Biden is a Senator from Delaware. I grew up in Pennsylvania, which is right on top of Delaware. We laugh at Delaware, and then travel there for tax free shopping and the occasional Rehoboth Beach excursion.
2) Delaware recently raised its toll on 1-95 from $3 to $4. That adds up if you travel back and forth between D.C. and Philly frequently, as my Dad must do when he drives me to and from my respective homes. At least he has an EZ pass now.
3) My friend once got out of a speeding ticket while he was going to law school in Delaware by claiming he knew Joe Biden. Cops like Joe Biden.
4) Joe Biden is “smart as hell” and a “damn good guy”, according to my Dad. Actually a lot of people seem to feel this way, and said so during the primaries. However this mysteriously didn’t translate into any votes.
5) Joe Biden is a vet, I think. Either way he has major foreign policy street cred, because he went to Georgia recently (not the one with peaches and plantations, the one with Russian tanks). I think he also went to Iraq. And he was the head of the Senate Foreign Relations committee. So I guess that sticks it to McCain who claims that if Obama is elected, the terrorists will win. I feel pretty confident that Biden can kick some terrorist ass, while Obama stays in the White House and sends text messages to his supporters detailing Biden’s ass-kicking endeavors.

Well that’s my educated, insightful analysis of the VP selection, as a resident of D.C. and a one time resident of the state on top on Biden’s state. I think this was a good move on Obama’s part, because Tim Kaine just slashed the budget in VA, which will leave many people unhappy in this supposed swing state, and Evan Bayh is boring and cornfed. So Go Obama-Biden, or shall I say, “Gobiden!”