Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog?

It would be inexcusable for the writers of Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog to ignore an event taking place in our beloved DC that includes two of our favorite things: hating on the government and penis references. Of course I am talking about the infamous “teabagging” rally at the White House today, in which hundreds of disgruntled taxpayers tried to recreate the Boston Tea Party, minus Sam Adams, Native American costumes, and a worthwhile cause.

The demonstration went off about as smoothly as one can expect any teabagging to be executed. Protestors planned to dump tea into the Potomac River and Lafayette Square, only to learn that such shenanigans are in fact illegal. (Frankly, I think the filthy Potomac could benefit from the antioxidant quality of tea, but I guess overly caffeinated fish would be somewhat frightening.) Teabaggers were also supposed to gather in front of the Treasury Building (Hey Tim. Tax day must be rough for you. Call me!) to listen to the inspiring words of delusional presidential candidate and Borat victim, Alan Keyes. However they didn’t foresee that disrupting traffic in the middle of a work day in the nation’s capital might require a permit, and failed to obtain one.

Despite the logistical setbacks, and the miserable weather, the teabaggers soldiered on and held a rally in front of the White House. Unfortunately the protesters couldn’t even get this part right, because one overly zealous malcontent threw a box of tea onto the White House lawn. This of course prompted the Secret Service, concerned that first dog Bo would get into the stash and leave them a runny mess to clean, to disperse the crowd. The utter failure of the occasion did not dampen the protestors’ spirits. Humorously, Rebecca Wales, local organizer of the teabaggers claimed, "This is the largest grass-roots demonstration in history.” Oh honey, you don’t get out much, do you?

Aside from the fact that teabaggers poorly planned and managed their premiere event, their very purpose is questionable at best. Ostensibly, the protestors are decrying irresponsible government spending and taxation. Yet they are mostly comprised of conservatives who supported Bush, the drunkest sailor of a spender in American history (he would have fallen off the boat at the tea party). I’m a libertarian, and I hate taxes as much as any of these teabaggers. But the thing is, Obama has CUT taxes. I am by no means blown away by the additional $20 in my last 2 paychecks, but it’s better than nothing. I’m sure the protestors benefited from the extra Jackson in purchasing posterboard and markers for their fancy rally signs. And even if Obama is putting a Boston Harbor full of taxpayer money into the stimulus package, at least he is funding laudable projects instead of an unnecessary war. In fact, it is conceivable that the government will reap returns on investments such as renewable energy, thus further lowering the burden to taxpayers.

So teabag away, Obama haters. You’ll ultimately be the ones on the wrong side of history looking like, to use another popular slang word, douchebags.

While America took a giant step forward this week by electing its first African-American president, three states took a giant step back. Voters in Arizona, Florida, and even the liberal bastion of California approved ballot measures amending their constitutions to ban same-sex marriage. How one can resolve the cognitive dissonance of voting for Obama but against equality for LGBT people, as many in California and Florida clearly did, is beyond me. Conservatives forced these repressive initiatives to the polls using euphemisms such as “protecting marriage” and “saving the children”. But let’s face it, what it really amounts to is fear.

I don’t know why so many people in America still hate gay people. I suspect that a great deal of these bigots have issues surrounding their own sexuality, and project that anger onto innocent homosexuals who simply want to be recognized as human beings. They are scared of themselves; therefore they are scared of gays. The others are simply ignorant. Having never been exposed to the GLBT community in their presumably rural, backwater towns, they have a visceral reaction to the idea of men kissing other men (and you know it’s really only the man on man action that disturbs them, for they probably own several lesbian porno flicks).

Naturally, the proponents of Proposition h8te and the other anti-gay initiatives will not admit that they are motivated by fear. Instead they cultivate fear in regular citizens by making them think that their livelihood is under attack – that the Donna Reed heterosexual marriages of lore are somehow invalidated because Harry met Harry instead of Sally. The right wing fiercely clings to the “sacred institution” of marriage as if it’s a divine relationship beyond reproach. Never mind the fact that over half of marriages end in divorce, and countless others are marred by physical, verbal, and substance abuse, infidelity, financial exploitation, and good old fashioned codependence. They also neglect to mention that marriage is a secular contract recognized by the state for legal purposes. It may be celebrated in a religious ceremony if the couple chooses to do so, but truthfully the only “requirement” for marriage is showing up at city hall to get a license.

So whatever excuses anti-gay people concoct in their twisted efforts to ban gay marriage, the truth of the matter is that they are scared. Instead of doing what most people do when they have a phobia – avoid it or take Xanax – the conservatives march their irrational fears all the way to the Secretary of State. They whine to voters like babies in soiled diapers, expecting to be coddled with prejudiced Constitutional amendments.

Well if we’re going to start passing public policies based on fear and discomfort, then I have an agenda of my own:

1) Ban Ferris Wheels. They are scary. I threw up on my friend once in a Ferris Wheel. She didn’t believe I was afraid of heights. I showed her! No more will these menacing machines of death be a harbinger of spring carnivals. Hoodlums on the Santa Monica Pier will have to knife fight by the Tilt-a-Whirl now.
2) Ban Ski Lifts. Again, being up high in an insecure seat wobbling to and fro is basically my idea of hell. Sorry Aspen, you’re going down.
3) While we’re at it, ban ALL heights. Let’s demolish all buildings above 1 story, and require all new buildings to be no higher. Sure things are going to get tight, and that brings me to my next item.
4) Ban all public gatherings. I am agoraphobic as well as acrophobic (best of both worlds-w00t!). The only words that come to mind when I see more than 5 or 6 people standing together are “stampede” and “infectious disease.”
5) Ban cockroaches. All houses and business must be thoroughly doused by pest control professionals to eradicate all roaches. (Fortunately the buildings will only be one story high at this point.) While the exterminators are at it, they should get the rats too - they are nasty. Cops will be directed to immediately open fire on any of these horrific creatures that happen to survive.
6) Ban Suzuki commercials. That little “zoom zoom” kid creeps me out.
7) Ban clowns. Do I even need to explain this one?

In conjunction with the fear factor is the “eeeew” factor. Some people oppose GLBT rights because they are grossed out by the mere thought of these people expressing their love for one another, despite the fact that the behavior of GLBT folks doesn’t affect them in the slightest. So in this vein, the following things must also be outlawed on account of me finding them disgusting:

1) Muffin topping – 4 years in prison and a $10,000 fine.
2) Farting, nose-picking, and coughing up phlegm – 3 years of forced manual labor and an additional 1 year of community service, preferably in the psych ward of a public hospital.
3) Old people sex - $5,000,000 fine (mostly to pay my therapy bills) and mandatory participation in a 12-step program.
4) Mullets – The death penalty.

I hope that by listing these examples, I have demonstrated the logical fallacy and ridiculousness of passing public policy based on irrational fears. I suggest that the people who opposes gay marriage take a good look at themselves and figure out what is really bothering them, and work on those issues instead of taking out their fear on innocent people. For when the government starts interfering in the private lives of its citizens simply because some voters oppose certain lifestyles, there is no telling where the slippery slope will lead. And THAT my friends, is something to be afraid of.

Damn this recession sucks balls. I’m no economist, but I am a normal tax-paying citizen who has been financially ass-raped over the course the past year. And that’s without a car! Because of the Bush administration’s hatred of all things science and research, my think tank could only afford to give me a measly 4% pay raise this summer. Meanwhile everything from veggie burgers to tampons have risen in price, and I’ve had to become a lot less picky about what I put in both orifices. It’s been so bad I had to take a second job tutoring for the SATs. But even that hasn’t helped much. Everyone is suffering from this recession, which means there are fewer families that can afford tutors. And tutoring is the only reasonably paying second job available for someone with no experience waiting tables and too much self respect to resort to prostitution.

My financial distress has major repercussions. I have to move out of my apartment because I can no longer afford the rent. Hopefully I’ll be able to find a place that accepts cats and isn’t roach-infested or void of natural sunlight (or worst of all, located in the Commonwealth of Virginia - no offense to my co-authors). I don’t have the money to buy local organic foods, as I would like; ramen is now a staple rather than a last resort. I imagine many other environmentally conscious consumers have also had to compromise their morals for their survival, which means less money is going to honest and decent farmers trying to make a living without suckling the USDA teat. I am unable to go to many concerts, movies, or other economy-stimulating activities. And, what’s probably the most frustrating consequence at this particular moment – I have to take the Chinatown bus to Philadelphia to visit my parents because I cannot shell out $100 for Amtrak. I’m on the bus as I write this post, wobbling precariously to and fro on the Baltimore Turnpike as the stench of BO and urine permeates the air. I wish they served beer – not that I could afford one.


I don’t want it to sound as though I am whining. I realize I am probably spoiled compared to many other Americans that are suffering more severely from the recession. I have a decent job and a roof over my head (for now) and food in my tummy (for now). I am only sharing my story because I think a lot of people can relate - People like me who were too young during the last recession to actually feel it personally, and who grew up with the promise that if we went to college and tired our best, we’d be better off than previous generations. Well now we’re not kids anymore, and our university campuses no longer shelter us. Now we’re in the real world, and in a real economic downtown, and it fucking hurts like hell.

I can’t help but look to the presidential race for answers in this time of need. I realize that no one person can control the entire economy, but where is that prosperity and opportunity that President Bush promised us in 2000? It certainly hasn’t “trickled down” to me, and with the financial crisis on Wall Street it looks like it hasn’t even lasted for the richest of the rich. Is our economy in such bad shape because we’re squandering money in Iraq? Did a lack of regulation cause the financial market to go belly-up? Did the tax cuts for the wealthy merely result in less income for the government instead of reinvestment in the economy? I have a feeling a combination of all these factors has conspired to bring about our current situation. Again, I’m no expert. But I know one thing for certain – Bush’s way obviously doesn’t work. If it did, I’d be on an Amtrak train right now sipping on a Bloody Mary. Normal folks like us are getting screwed under the current system. And there’s a not a lick of difference between Bush and McCain. They both have the same staunch philosophy of no government, no taxes, no spending, and no regulation, ever. Except for unnecessary and ill-planned wars, in which case let’s spend like drunken sailors and castigate anyone who disagrees with us. Oh yeah, and your bedroom. They definitely want government all up in that. Don’t have sex unless it’s for the sole purpose of procreation, in the context of a heterosexual Church-sanctioned marriage. And whatever you do, don’t be gay! Who cares if you’re dirt poor, as long as them damn homosexuals aren’t prancing around the streets?

Seriously? Do we really need another second of this bullshit, let alone 4 more years?

I’m not arguing that Barack Obama is a miracle worker. I don’t expect things to magically get better overnight. But for fuck’s sake, after 8 years of failure on everything from the economy to foreign policy, don’t we at least deserve a chance to make it better? We need to go in a different, more promising direction. If nothing else, Barack Obama represents a new worldview, which is sorely needed at this time. I can’t live off of ramen for the rest of my life, and the US food market won’t sustain itself if everyone is buying ramen from China. And not to keep knocking on China, but this bus is sketchtastic.

So please, vote for Barack Obama. After all, voting is free. We can definitely afford that. But we can’t afford another Republican president. Trickle down economics is just as it sounds - piss - like the smell of a Chinatown bus.

O.K., Sarah Palin's daughter is off limits. But she's not. She's a public official, and now in line for the 2nd highest political office in the United States. So let's discuss the various reasons why she's a heinous succubus beast from hell:


1) She's a bad mother. I'm not talking about the fact that her daughter got pregnant - that's a private issue over which the public and the government should have no say. However, she knowingly subjected her already vulnerable 17-year old daughter to the spotlight by agreeing to be on McCain's ticket. I guess her own fame and fortune are more important than her daughter's welfare and happiness. I feel sorry for Bristol, especially because her baby daddy is clearly an asshat. The last thing she needs is media scrutiny, for which she has her opportunist mother to thank.

2) She's a bad governor. She strong armed the Alaska public safety commissioner into firing her ex brother-in-law, then fired him because he wouldn't capitulate to her unreasonable demands. Hell hath no fury like the governor-sister of a woman scorned! Can't Palin try just once to not set the women's rights movement back a few decades by making her politics personal, and portraying female leaders as vengeful bitches.

3) She's a bad mayor. Despite John McCain and Sarah Palin's public fulmination of pork barrel spending, Palin made sure to bring home the bacon to her Alaska home of 6700. She secured over $27 million in earmarks for wee Wasalia, Alaska. What the Christ could that town possibly need that's worth $27 million? All of the big cities in which I've resided (Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Washington D.C.) would shit bricks for that kind of money, and then use those bricks to build schools, health clinics, and other resources that would benefit far more people than the lucky few in her podunk hometown.

4) She's a bad person. She broke the news about her daughter's pregnancy while millions were fleeing the Gulf Coast in fear of another Hurricane Katrina. She thought the scandal would fall by the wayside. Well it didn't, and she should be ashamed for malevolently taking advantage of the plight of poor hurricane victims. And did you watch her speech? It was, as my friend Alexa describes, "nails on chalkboard." She said absolutely nothing of substance and instead spouted nasty insults about Barack Obama. I'm not saying the opponents shouldn't criticize one another, but there's a way to do it tastefully and constructively, and instead Sarah Palin chose to squawk like a pink monkey bird. She reminds me of a teacher I had in grade school, who was more concerned with flirting with the male students and fathers than teaching the class, and who despite my being the smartest and best behaved student in the class, still found a reason to give me detention. Bitch. Incidentally, this teacher got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced to marry the father in order to maintain her post at the Catholic school.

So let's review: Bad mother, bad governor, bad mayor, and bad person...and we're supposed to let her be a heartbeat away from the presidency, when the presidential candidate is probably hanging on by a heartbeat? I think America deserves better.

***Update: After referring to Sarah Palin as a succubus, I thought of the Succubus episode of South Park. Stan and Kyle rescue Chef from the clutch of the demon by singing her theme song "There's Got to Be a Morning After", backward. I wonder if we can do the same to defeat Sarah Palin. Who wants to attend her next rally in the D.C. area to give it a shot?

The Good:

Overall I think he did an excellent job. My main reservation about Obama has been my impression that he’s all talk, all pomp and circumstance, and little substance. Last night he delivered an address that was policy-specific, insightful, thorough, and inspirational. He underscored McCain’s weaknesses without sounding rancorous, and drew a sharp contrast between his vision and a potential McCain presidency. He was eloquent (except for a few flubs, but nobody is perfect) but not bombastic. He was genuine and down to earth, and convinced me that he would be a compassionate and competent president. I was drinking Blue Moon, but it tasted like Kool Aid. I’m one of them. I love Obama.

Here are some other highlights, and random observations:

• The shout out to Hillary was a nice gesture, especially right at the beginning of his speech. Hopefully he was able to mollify even the most bitter of Hillary holdouts.
• He used “her” as a pronoun when discussing the challenge of sending kids to school.
• Sasha Obama is so kidnapably cute!
• He wants to cut government programs that don’t work and streamline bureaucracy – a libertarian wet dream! I love that he has the balls to not make a typical knee-jerk liberal, blanket defense of every public service program.
• Tax cuts! Yay! More fodder for me and my fellow libertarians.
• End our oil addiction – real solutions, not band-aids. We need oil rehab, not oil enablers like John McCain. And incentivizing alternative energy production is totally in keeping with the market system we all love and cherish as Americans.
• He spoke of having the “temperament” and judgment to conduct foreign policy. Not only did that brilliantly take the focus away from experience and onto pure competence, it was a subtle double entendre. READ: McCain has a temper, and is a bat-shit crazy curmudgeon.
• Vets, vets, and more vets. I love vets, not just because the VA pays roughly 1/3 of my salary, but because they are the one group in America that clearly deserve appreciation from our government but are woefully underserved.
• “Patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so does John McCain, and so do you!” Oh yeah, we’re gonna have a 300 million-way with America.

The Bad:

• When it comes to health care, Barack seems to think that healthcare companies arbitrarily “discriminate” against the ill. Truthfully, any company is going to want to protect itself from adverse selection by having a diverse mix of patients, so that the healthy can pay for the sick. That’s how health insurance works – just like care insurance. When employers provide health care, the risk is automatically pooled because they have a mix of people brought together on random factors other than health status. A typical workplace will have adequate risk spread to keep premiums low, and the power to negotiate with insurers. The problem is that not all employers offer health insurance, and unemployment is on the rise. Then we get into the individual market, where it’s essentially a free-for-all. Companies have an incentive to keep out sick patients so they don’t go out of business, while relatively healthy people (especially young people) choose not to purchase insurance, because they think they’re invincible. There aren’t “healthy” people to pay for the “sick”. So Obama can’t forcibly “end healthcare discrimination”, without having mandates in place to force the healthy people to enter the risk pool, and thus far he hasn’t explicitly supported an individual mandate. Furthermore, we must continue to support tax breaks for employers offering insurance since this is the most sensible means of providing insurance. I heard nothing about this in Obama’s Plan. Finally, he said little, and his plans says little about reducing health care costs, which are primarily driven by technology. If we keep adopting new procedures, machines, and medicines, with little therapeutic improvement over previous treatments, we’re not going to get a good return on investment. The trick is to find a way to place stricter standards on technology adaptation while still encouraging innovation in the market. I don’t purport to have all the answers, but I think the president ought to. Nonetheless, I have more confidence in Obama’s ability and willingness to tackle this problem constructively.
• “I stood up and opposed this war (In Iraq).” From where, your living room couch? You weren’t IN the Senate yet and didn’t have a vote. I can picture the situation:
  Barack (knocking over a ball of popcorn as he rises from the couch): I oppose this war!
  Michelle: That’s nice honey. Can you take out the trash
• Producer to Cameraman, Producer to Cameraman, show more white people! (it’s the exact opposite of the conversations that go on between the two at the GOP convention.

The Cheesy:

• The Music. U2? Add them to Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp as intolerable artists for politics. It’s not that I don’t like these artists (except Mellencamp – he sucks) – I have every U2 album, and a significant percentage of Bruce’s library as well. It’s just that their music deserves better than becoming the hackneyed entrance and exit music for pandering politicians. Are there seriously NO people on your staff than can pick something more original? I saw Obama’s favorite song list, and it included Nina Simone and The Fugees. Either of those selections would have been refreshing. What the shit was that country song they played after Obama finished? It was so anticlimactic, not to mention CHEESY!!! AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHEN ARE PEOPLE GOING TO REALIZE THAT BORN IN THE USA IS NOT A PATRIOTIC TRIBUTE TO AMERICA BUT A STINGING CRITICISM OF THE WAR IN VIETNAM?!?! LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN LYRICS OF THE SONGS YOU CHOOSE TO PLAY!!! Here are a few selections that would have been more inspirational, appropriate, or at least humorously corny:

1. The Times, They Are A Changin’ – Bob Dylan (would have fit nicely with the WHOLE FUCKING THEME OF OBAMA’S CAMPAIGN as well)
2. Work That – Mary J. Blige
3. Live To Win – Paul Stanley
4. You’ve Got the Touch, from the Transformers Soundtrack (the 80s cartoon, not the crap ass action flick with Shia LaDouche)
5. Pretty much anything from the Top Gun Soundtrack
6. Ditto for Karate Kid
7. Ditto Rocky
8. Flashdance…What a Feeling – Irena Cara

• Is it just me, or is Joe Biden actually made of cheese? He’s got that pig-in-shit-eating grin that frankly creeps me out.
• Did the Obama women really color coordinate? I love pink, but to quote Sally Field’s character from Steel Magnolias, “It looks like the whole place was doused in Pepto Bismal.”
• The “grand finale” was just awkward. At least balloons would have masked some of the uncomfortable moments, like when all of a sudden there were toilet-paper-esque streamers on the back stage, and all of a sudden the music went from country to something sounding like the theme from Jaws. Should Obama and Biden hug? Will that seem too gay? Michelle and Jill were holding hands pretty tightly, as if they don’t know what else to do. Wave to the audience. Wait we’re out of family order. Okay bring in the Biden family. Wait there’s too many. Okay you know what, let’s just do Barack, Michelle, Joe, and Jill. Okay. Now let’s, um, pray, yeah, prayer is awesome, everyone loves prayer! Of course I realize that no convention can be perfect. But maybe if Obama had picked his VP earlier they would have worked out the awkward body language. Maybe if there were some more hip staff, the music wouldn’t have sounded so corny.

The most important thing is, Obama nailed it, and McCain has his work cut out for him next week. He gave us a nice indication of what he has in store by a) trying to steal Obama's thunder and pick his VP the day after Obama's rousing speech, and b) pick a woman, assuming that Hillary supporters are willing to forgo freedom of choice and economic opportunity and hop on his boring bandwagon, which probably serves cinnamon tea instead of Kool-Aid. I can't wait to see how much these asshats make me vomit and/or throw pillows at the television next week.

Beau Biden: I'd hit that.

Joe Biden: The transcript of his speech was excellent, so why is that I couldn't bear watching it in person and instead flipped back and forth between that and the season finale of Shear Genius? I guess it was the fact that I have an intense aversion to John Mellencamp, especially after that smarmy philandering bastard John Edwards exploited his music in his failed campaign for the presidency. And then to end with a Bruce Springsteen song written about 9/11? Are you kidding me? I realize you're 65 years old, Senator B, but surely one of those 87 grandchildren of yours could have tuned you in to something more hip.

Obama's "surprise" appearance: That was about as "unscripted" as an episode of The Hills. Come on, seriously? A REAL suprise would have been New Mexico governor Bill Richardson riding on a unicyle, wearing an Uncle Sam hat, and juggling bald eagle eggs. And it would have been far more entertaining.

The Democrats should have held this convention in Wisconsin instead of Colorado, 'cuz it's CHEESY!!!

Before you accuse this post of being sexist, keep in mind that the female, feminist, heterosexual correspondent of this blog is the one writing it.

With all the serious topics being discussed at the Democratic Convention, I think it's time we take a step back for a minute and appreciate the fineness that is the Democratic ladies.

Say what you will about Michelle Obama's speech Monday, but one thing is for certain: She is HAWT!!! Cindy McCain is a botox-saturated washed-out hag. Michelle, on the other hand, is all natural, and all beautiful. My co-author Phil, in less graceful terms, declares, "Only the most unspeakable acts come to mind when I think of Michelle Obama." I wouldn't go THAT far, but we agree that Michelle is one foxy woman who deserves to be America's FLILF.

And who could pretend to digest Hillary Clinton's inspirational speech last night without first taking a moment to ogle former FDILF Chelsea. Girlfriend is banging! Her awkward Amy Carter days are ancient history. As my boyfriend opined, "She's really grown into herself". Phil informed me this morning, "I wanna holla at that bitch." My buddy Jeff's G-chat status message last night summed it up perfectly: "Damn, Chelsea fiiiiiiiiiiine!"

Make no mistake, this is a very important election, the outcome of which will have serious consequences for both America and the world. But while you're considering all the critical issues at hand, it's perfectly fine to be human and drool over some pretty ladies. Of course the same goes for the sexy men, who will take the stage tonight and tomorrow.

Thursday's post: Damn, Joe Biden is Delawaring that suit.

Friday: Obama can be my commander in briefs!

ADDENDUM: I just wanted to give some mad props to Erin for handling that post with such class. My thoughts wouldn't possibly be clear enough to write a coherent post about Michelle and Chelsea. Swoon.

~ Turk

This is my first presidential race in the District of Columbia, which is infamous for its rabid political junkies, Hillrats, and media pundits foaming at the mouth to get a piece of the action. With their mere 3 electoral votes, however, these fanatics must feed their obsession by networking with (and/or fellating) people “in the know”, and talking about it incessantly on their blogs. Recognizing this insatiable appetite for inside information, Barak Obama chose to send his supporters a text message at 3 AM EST Saturday morning announcing his selection of Joe Biden as his running mate. I’m sure the Late Night Shots crowd prowling the streets of Georgetown was excited to receive this text among their slew of booty calls, though they probably had to squint and shut one eye to decipher the words in their state of drunkenness. At that’s assuming they didn’t already pass out on the street or in the home of a stranger, vomit drenching their popped-collar polos or Ann Taylor sundresses.

Me? I was fast asleep. I didn’t get the message until I turned on Headline news to watch their D-list Saturday morning anchor “accidentally” say “Obiden” – twice. Did I feel out of the loop? No, because I already knew Obama was going to choose Biden. I knew unofficially 2 ½ weeks ago, when my friend told me her boss (who is a Democratic Big Wig) told her that it was going to be Biden. I was incredulous at first, but the same friend confirmed the news to me last Tuesday. Of course she was emphatic about the information being kept a secret, and said, “You didn’t hear that from me ;)” I will still protect her identity by not naming her on this blog. But I assume if she told me, she told her boyfriend, and at least a few of her other friends. I in turn, though sworn to secrecy, told my assistant, my boyfriend, and a couple of my friends, who in turn told a few more people and so on and so forth. The point is that people in this town have big mouths and there’s no better chance of keeping a secret than there is of Larry Craig keeping his pants on in the Union Station mensroom.

So what about this Biden guy? I’m sure his Wikipedia page crashed several times over the weekend, and I also read this morning that his biography, which was published over a year ago, is now a best seller on Amazon. So I’m not going to repeat any details you’ve already read in those sources. I will tell you the following things about Joe Biden:

1) Joe Biden is a Senator from Delaware. I grew up in Pennsylvania, which is right on top of Delaware. We laugh at Delaware, and then travel there for tax free shopping and the occasional Rehoboth Beach excursion.
2) Delaware recently raised its toll on 1-95 from $3 to $4. That adds up if you travel back and forth between D.C. and Philly frequently, as my Dad must do when he drives me to and from my respective homes. At least he has an EZ pass now.
3) My friend once got out of a speeding ticket while he was going to law school in Delaware by claiming he knew Joe Biden. Cops like Joe Biden.
4) Joe Biden is “smart as hell” and a “damn good guy”, according to my Dad. Actually a lot of people seem to feel this way, and said so during the primaries. However this mysteriously didn’t translate into any votes.
5) Joe Biden is a vet, I think. Either way he has major foreign policy street cred, because he went to Georgia recently (not the one with peaches and plantations, the one with Russian tanks). I think he also went to Iraq. And he was the head of the Senate Foreign Relations committee. So I guess that sticks it to McCain who claims that if Obama is elected, the terrorists will win. I feel pretty confident that Biden can kick some terrorist ass, while Obama stays in the White House and sends text messages to his supporters detailing Biden’s ass-kicking endeavors.

Well that’s my educated, insightful analysis of the VP selection, as a resident of D.C. and a one time resident of the state on top on Biden’s state. I think this was a good move on Obama’s part, because Tim Kaine just slashed the budget in VA, which will leave many people unhappy in this supposed swing state, and Evan Bayh is boring and cornfed. So Go Obama-Biden, or shall I say, “Gobiden!”

A lot of my friends back home ask me about politics. They figure, since I live and work in DC, I've got inside connections more insightful opinions than they do sitting all the way up in Ohio. And now, I've got this sort-of-DC-themed blog, which is a great platform for bloviating about the sordid dealings in our nation's capital. But here's the thing: I pretty much couldn't care less about politics anymore.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm still going to vote, and I'm still going to read both candidate's platforms, examine their stances on issues, watch the conventions, etc., because I'm not a moron. But honestly, I think I may be the first person in the history of the United States to move to DC and become less interested in politics. And it's not like I've always been this way. I was a poli sci major and I campaigned pretty hard for Kerry in '04. But I think I totally shot my wad on that one. Since that election, and given the constant barrage of INSIDE INFO that is DC life, I've just gotten turned off. It's like, I love Ruby Tuesday. But if all I ate all day, everyday was Ruby Tuesday, I'd start to hate it (probably right around the time of my second or third quadruple bypass).

This little rant was spurred on by Obama's selection of Joe Biden as VP. Yeah, I got the text, and I knew who the people on the short list were, but I haven't been following it for every waking second of the past two months. The baseball trading deadline, now that was another story. I can tell you pretty much everything that went down and what it means for each MLB team that was involved in a deadline deal, and I can probably provide more in-depth commentary about it than most pundits can provide about the VP race.

But I digress. Politics is a major part of what fuels DC, so in the interest of keeping this blog in tune with the city, we've decided to invite our friend the Sober Pundit on as a political correspondent. Trust me, she's much more adept at breaking this stuff down than I am. And she's hella funny. She might make a few random posts here and there as well, so keep an eye out for her bemused rantings!