Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog?

It would be inexcusable for the writers of Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog to ignore an event taking place in our beloved DC that includes two of our favorite things: hating on the government and penis references. Of course I am talking about the infamous “teabagging” rally at the White House today, in which hundreds of disgruntled taxpayers tried to recreate the Boston Tea Party, minus Sam Adams, Native American costumes, and a worthwhile cause.

The demonstration went off about as smoothly as one can expect any teabagging to be executed. Protestors planned to dump tea into the Potomac River and Lafayette Square, only to learn that such shenanigans are in fact illegal. (Frankly, I think the filthy Potomac could benefit from the antioxidant quality of tea, but I guess overly caffeinated fish would be somewhat frightening.) Teabaggers were also supposed to gather in front of the Treasury Building (Hey Tim. Tax day must be rough for you. Call me!) to listen to the inspiring words of delusional presidential candidate and Borat victim, Alan Keyes. However they didn’t foresee that disrupting traffic in the middle of a work day in the nation’s capital might require a permit, and failed to obtain one.

Despite the logistical setbacks, and the miserable weather, the teabaggers soldiered on and held a rally in front of the White House. Unfortunately the protesters couldn’t even get this part right, because one overly zealous malcontent threw a box of tea onto the White House lawn. This of course prompted the Secret Service, concerned that first dog Bo would get into the stash and leave them a runny mess to clean, to disperse the crowd. The utter failure of the occasion did not dampen the protestors’ spirits. Humorously, Rebecca Wales, local organizer of the teabaggers claimed, "This is the largest grass-roots demonstration in history.” Oh honey, you don’t get out much, do you?

Aside from the fact that teabaggers poorly planned and managed their premiere event, their very purpose is questionable at best. Ostensibly, the protestors are decrying irresponsible government spending and taxation. Yet they are mostly comprised of conservatives who supported Bush, the drunkest sailor of a spender in American history (he would have fallen off the boat at the tea party). I’m a libertarian, and I hate taxes as much as any of these teabaggers. But the thing is, Obama has CUT taxes. I am by no means blown away by the additional $20 in my last 2 paychecks, but it’s better than nothing. I’m sure the protestors benefited from the extra Jackson in purchasing posterboard and markers for their fancy rally signs. And even if Obama is putting a Boston Harbor full of taxpayer money into the stimulus package, at least he is funding laudable projects instead of an unnecessary war. In fact, it is conceivable that the government will reap returns on investments such as renewable energy, thus further lowering the burden to taxpayers.

So teabag away, Obama haters. You’ll ultimately be the ones on the wrong side of history looking like, to use another popular slang word, douchebags.

And now, for a dialogue between out two esteemed authors:

Erin: dogs in bathtub
Hey did you hear about that new recovery bill?

Phil: nope

Erin: Tim Geithner can stimulate my economy any day

Phil: I've spent the last two months extraordinarily renditioned in and undisclosed Eastern European prison

Erin: No way, really?

Phil: yeah, what the fuck have you been doing and why haven't there been any posts since Obamadan?

Erin: Well back to the Treasury Bill, so it's like this:
Reagan had trickle down economics
Now Obama/Geither have "laxative" economics
They are basically pumping money into the economy to try to move its bowels

Phil: um
eew

Erin: Well I know it's gross but it's the best way to explain it

Phil: so, aren't you even curious as to how my experience was in a super-secret CIA prison?

Erin: Geithner still thinks it's a liquidity crisis
He's so wrong. The banks are insolvent, yo
But he wants to throw more money at Wall Street and all these failing banks, hopefully they eventually take a hot steamy dump on us

Phil: ooh
like an economic Cleveland Steamer
I could get behind that
er
on top of that?
whichever

Erin: Ew, stop!

Phil: either way, that shit is gross

Erin: Seriously
I don't know if this plan will work, but I know that Tim Geither is hot and I would totally hit that

Phil: dude
that guy looks like the creep museum curator motherfucker in Ghostbusters 2
Janosh

Erin: You look like Slimer

Phil: I keep expecting a Geithner press conference where he's standing in front of a giant painting of an evil Carpathian god
ok so anyway, back to my rendition

Erin: Ooooooooooooooooh and then this batshit insane woman had octoplets, and she already has 6 kids! And she has no job! meanwhile, she's had mad plastic surgery to look like Angelina.

Phil: bitch...
I got tortured and shit

Erin: Yeah she is whack.
I was tortured too
By Pope Benedict's stupidity
First he lets a Nazi back into the church, then he says condoms don't work
What a turd

Phil: didn't our blog used to be about DC?

Erin: Oh, and speaking of torture, Guantanamo Bay is closing and they're trying to figure out what to do with all the "enemy combatants"
But they were all waterboarded and now their testimony is questionable
So it's a hot steamy mess

Phil: waterboarding sucks

Erin: Kind of like the economic package

Phil: I was treated as an enemy combatant
I think Cheney's got some rogue operation running in Turkmenistan or something
seriously, I have no idea where I was

Erin: Oh that's why you haven't posted. That makes sense. Well now you're back, so post already.

Phil: wait, what the christ was your excuse?

Erin: I had Seasonal Affective Disorder. I was too depressed to post. I spent most of January, February, and March in my bed

Phil: oh...
well
I feel like kind of a douche now

Erin: why?

Phil: uh, well, I wasn't really extraordinarily renditioned
I was just being a lazy slob

Erin: OMFG that is so unfair
Okay, I have a confession

Phil: ok

Erin: The real reason I didn't post is because I'm a lazy slob too

Phil: well
I like my story better

Erin: I was just trying to make you feel bad with the whole SAD thing

Phil: well my story involved delusions of grandeur that assumed I was important enough to be extraordinarily renditioned by some shadow Cheney government
plus like I'm even capable of being sad at this point
whatevs

Erin: He is such an anus face. I hate him. But he's not as bad as that fat-ass greasy drug-addicted blowhard Rush Limbaugh.
He looks like HE was extradorniary renditioned to Eastern Europe

Phil: only if Europe was made of cheeseburgers an he ate it

Erin: But the liberals are just as bad. Nancy Pelosi looks like Michael Jackson
No wait, I meant Joan Rivers

Phil: either way, she probably touches chirldren

Erin: She should put on a gold robot suit and start sassing off

Phil: hehe

Erin: Oh by the did you do your taxes yet?

Phil: FUCK
fucking
fuck

Erin: No wait, don't do it

Phil: why?

Erin: If you want a job in the Obama administration, you have to NOT pay taxes

Phil: ah
brilliant!
oh ya know what else?
MARCH MADNESS
OMG

Erin: whut?
Yeah, I'm MAD that March's weather won't stop sucking
Is that what you mean?

Phil: something like that

Erin: Oh you know what else sucks?

Phil: what?

Erin: Guess

Phil: um
communists?
hippies?

Erin: Well yeah, they all suck
But Metro takes the cake
There was train derailment on the red line. It took me 75 hours to get home

Phil: I derailed your mom
HOLLA

Erin: Oh snap, no you didn't!
Okay that's the point in the conversation where I say adios

Phil: dude you know what would be fucking great?

Erin: Tim Geithner naked press conference?

Phil: um
eew
no
but I was gonna say, if we just copied and pasted this whole chat and tried to pass it off as our grand re-opening post
people would fucking love that

Erin: Booya!
That works well with our laziness
Fucking a, why does Obama keep addressing the nation?

Phil: I dunno, but every time that dude is on TV, I get "Cult of Personality" stuck in my head

Erin: Jello Biafra

Phil: WTF?

Erin: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jello_Biafra
But actually he was in Dead Kennedys, not Living Colour
But I digress...time for bed. Good night!

Phil: um
night


Welcome by to the new and improved "Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog?" Super huge special thanks to Adam for the bitchin' site redesign! Hope you all enjoy it! Maybe we'll update more than once every three months this time. No promises.