Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog?

Hi folks. I’m sorry I’ve been M.I.A. I’ve had a rough month, including but not limited to a breakup, moving, and studying for the GREs. But I thought I’d take a time out to discuss something that has been on my mind for quite a while.

There is an abominable mob sweeping the DC metropolitan area like a plague of locusts. If you happen to walk to any Metro station to commute to work, or even meander a block from your residence to get Starbucks, you will fall prey to its nefarious clutches. No one is immune to the harassment of this diabolical syndicate.

I am referring, of course, to DNC and Greenpeace field organizers.

What’s so bad about the DNC or Greenspeace, you may ask? Aren’t they generally liberal, peace-loving people who want to save humanity and the earth? Yes, they are. But the strategy they employ to pursue these otherwise benign causes is to station extroverted, loud, and persistent activists with clipboards at busy intersections to guilt trip the populace into donating cash. I hate them.

I work hard for a living, and it happens to be in a field that promotes many of the ideals DNC and Greenpeace support: public health. After spending 40 hours a week examining options to improve and expand health care, and preparing the nation for various public health emergencies, the last thing I want to do is talk to some cocksure 22-year old telling me the world is going to end if I don’t give him $25. (It would at least be funny if he asked for “about $3.50.”) These young zealots spout cliché talking points that demonstrate a sophomoric level of understanding of the issues, alienating would-be supporters. Moreover, it is virtually impossible to endear people to a cause while bombarding them after a long day at work, and it’s equally counterintuitive to pester them on a weekend off from their strenuous jobs. To add insult to injury, the activists try to make you feel ashamed if you don’t contribute, shouting things like, “Donate to Obama or we’ll have another 4 years of Bush”, “Put your money where your mouth is if you care about the Earth”, and “Not giving us cash makes the baby Jesus cry!” Okay maybe the last example was an exaggeration, but who wants to be blamed for the economy being in the shitter and the environment being laid to waste? There are far more constructive and effective things people can do to make a difference in the world besides donating to Political Action Committees.

In addition to the pure annoyance of these clipboard-carrying gadflies, I am also incensed by the lack of respect for financial privacy. If I want to donate to Obama, I can find his goddamn website on my own and enter my credit card digits in the privacy of my own home or cube. It is nobody’s business how I spend my money, least of all a meddling young adult who doesn’t have a firm enough grasp of the real world to appreciate the trade-offs people face when budgeting for life’s myriad expenses.

That brings me to my next point: HELLO?! RECECESSION MUCH?! I am trying to pay my rent, feed myself, and get myself to and from work, all of which cost significant amounts of a money, during an economic crisis with skyrocketing prices and stagnant wages. No matter how much I love Obama and freedom and peace and nature, I have to survive first and foremost to appreciate any of these things. One would think that the side trying to undo all of this damage and oust the Bush administration would be sympathetic to my plight, but instead they try to squeeze non-existent disposable income out of me. Well keep squeezing, you ain’t gonna find a drop.

The thing that upsets me most about getting harassed by field organizers is that I practice their ideology daily, in fact probably more so then they do themselves. I don’t drive, I don’t eat meat, I don’t waste water or other resources, and I don’t support “evil” corporations (assuming the definition of “evil” is Walmart and not Starbucks). I’m a living, breathing example of all their causes. I don’t expect them to recognize that fact in a quick glance at me after I get off the Metro escalator, but it still irritates me when they approach me asking for even more effort and money. Isn’t it enough that I embody all of your beliefs? Do I really need to cut you a check in order to prove myself a good citizen?

I understand that these kids are young, inexperienced, underpaid idealists with good intentions. I should not begrudge them their little rants if it makes them feel better about themselves. But at the same time, the organizations that employ them should rethink their strategies for fundraising. I don’t know if having people with clipboards bother commuters is an effective technique for garnering donations – I have never seen conclusive research on this topic – but I can’t imagine that it actually gets results. It’s a sad fact in politics that people in the top income bracket are the only ones that can comfortably donate to political causes and candidates, and the gap is ever widening between them and normal working folks like me. Sure one can organize a grassroots, Howard-Dean inspired campaign to expand the base of small contributors, but that can easily be achieved through the internet rather than in-person solicitation. I’m far more likely to make a donation if one of my friends posts a compelling note on Facebook than if some random dude with a nose ring comes up to me on the street asking if I care about the Earth. I highly doubt that the marginal gains these activists make compensates for the inconvenience and annoyance factors.

In conclusion, I ask simply to be left alone when I walk down the street. I’m smart enough to conduct my own research into the issues and make my own decisions, and I want to do it on my time and my terms. I have faith that rest of the DC residents can do the same.