Excuse Me, Is That Your Blog?

O.K., Sarah Palin's daughter is off limits. But she's not. She's a public official, and now in line for the 2nd highest political office in the United States. So let's discuss the various reasons why she's a heinous succubus beast from hell:


1) She's a bad mother. I'm not talking about the fact that her daughter got pregnant - that's a private issue over which the public and the government should have no say. However, she knowingly subjected her already vulnerable 17-year old daughter to the spotlight by agreeing to be on McCain's ticket. I guess her own fame and fortune are more important than her daughter's welfare and happiness. I feel sorry for Bristol, especially because her baby daddy is clearly an asshat. The last thing she needs is media scrutiny, for which she has her opportunist mother to thank.

2) She's a bad governor. She strong armed the Alaska public safety commissioner into firing her ex brother-in-law, then fired him because he wouldn't capitulate to her unreasonable demands. Hell hath no fury like the governor-sister of a woman scorned! Can't Palin try just once to not set the women's rights movement back a few decades by making her politics personal, and portraying female leaders as vengeful bitches.

3) She's a bad mayor. Despite John McCain and Sarah Palin's public fulmination of pork barrel spending, Palin made sure to bring home the bacon to her Alaska home of 6700. She secured over $27 million in earmarks for wee Wasalia, Alaska. What the Christ could that town possibly need that's worth $27 million? All of the big cities in which I've resided (Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Washington D.C.) would shit bricks for that kind of money, and then use those bricks to build schools, health clinics, and other resources that would benefit far more people than the lucky few in her podunk hometown.

4) She's a bad person. She broke the news about her daughter's pregnancy while millions were fleeing the Gulf Coast in fear of another Hurricane Katrina. She thought the scandal would fall by the wayside. Well it didn't, and she should be ashamed for malevolently taking advantage of the plight of poor hurricane victims. And did you watch her speech? It was, as my friend Alexa describes, "nails on chalkboard." She said absolutely nothing of substance and instead spouted nasty insults about Barack Obama. I'm not saying the opponents shouldn't criticize one another, but there's a way to do it tastefully and constructively, and instead Sarah Palin chose to squawk like a pink monkey bird. She reminds me of a teacher I had in grade school, who was more concerned with flirting with the male students and fathers than teaching the class, and who despite my being the smartest and best behaved student in the class, still found a reason to give me detention. Bitch. Incidentally, this teacher got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced to marry the father in order to maintain her post at the Catholic school.

So let's review: Bad mother, bad governor, bad mayor, and bad person...and we're supposed to let her be a heartbeat away from the presidency, when the presidential candidate is probably hanging on by a heartbeat? I think America deserves better.

***Update: After referring to Sarah Palin as a succubus, I thought of the Succubus episode of South Park. Stan and Kyle rescue Chef from the clutch of the demon by singing her theme song "There's Got to Be a Morning After", backward. I wonder if we can do the same to defeat Sarah Palin. Who wants to attend her next rally in the D.C. area to give it a shot?